In one of my blogging groups, I was challenged to write a confession for my blog, unfortunately there are so many to choose from.
As I sit here thinking about what my confession will be, I can’t help but notice that I have a lot of problems, and could confess each day for the rest of my life, but I will pick the deepest and most personal I can think of.
First of all, I don’t like being vulnerable, I don’t like putting myself out there for people to actually see because I lack confidence in myself and can break down from one persons criticism, although I do have to say I’m getting better at this as I’m getting older. I have put myself out there before and had my “head chopped off”, (has anyone read the book Through The Looking Glass: Awakening Your Inner Alice” by Sunni Chapman? She talks about the Red Queen with the big head, symbolic of our ego, who is always saying “off with their heads” because these people don’t agree with her, and she needs to kill anyone who defies or disagrees with her) sorry, back to what I was saying, I’ve had my head chopped off by many people all through my life, so I am timid when it comes to sharing a piece of myself.
So when it comes to my nature blog, I have to confess that I don’t have the best green-thumb on the planet. I haven’t taken what I’ve learned and put them into practice yet, but I will get there some day. When it comes to gardening, I was taught the old way by my parents, and they were taught the old way by their parents, and so on. The only reason I decided to look into something different, is because I am tired of working so hard in my garden, I knew their had to be a smarter way of growing things, and with all the other commitments I have in life, I can’t spend all day working in my garden pulling the unwanted plants (I’m not going to call them weeds) out.
I also have a problem with work, I don’t mind working, and I don’t mind working hard, but when I work hard and have little to show for it, I begin to question what I am doing, and if there is an easier way of doing it. Here lies my next confession, I don’t allow myself to be creative, I don’t trust myself enough to come up with a solution to my problems, so I go looking for other people’s thoughts and opinions, which is okay for some situations but not okay for others. There will always come a time when you need to look within yourself for your answer to live the unique life that is yours.
I don’t like fake people, people who don’t live their lives and just mimic other people, acting as if they are unique. Why? Because I am one of those people. With age comes wisdom, so as I get older I am getting better at all this, and I have to say that blogging is helping me as well, it helps me to put myself out there a little at a time.
So there you go, my confession(s) of the day, like I said, I could add a whole bunch more but I would have to write a book since there is so much to talk about. Despite everything I know that is wrong with me, I see a beauty in being broken, a beauty that surpasses all other.