I have been in the process of changing myself for many, many years now. If I was completely honest with you, it has only been in the last 7 years that I have taken this change more seriously. I guess this would be what many call a mid-life crisis, a point in your life when you begin to question the meaning of life itself and your place within it.
Like most people I began to search, I was raised within the christian faith so that is where I began to search but over time I started looking outside of this faith to see what other people had to say about it too. This lead me to many different cultures and showed me the diversity of how people view life and see their place within it.
I won’t go into detail about what I found but one of the biggest themes in most of them was our thought patterns. Many see our thought patterns as a source of who we become, so if you think bad thoughts then you will have a bad life, but if you want to change your life then you must change your thoughts.
I have tried this over and over again with no lasting results, yes I may have a good day here and there but overall it has done nothing to change my inner self. Actually it is making it worse because I am beginning to feel like a failure, here I am almost 40 and I feel I have wasted a huge portion of my life being unhappy and confused. Don’t get me wrong, I have been making changes on the outside that make me feel happy like planting more flowers and doing little changes around the home but I still don’t feel ‘right’, if you know what I mean.
Today I have been feeling down, I am getting tired of trying so hard just to have myself revert back to my old ways in an instant. I’m tired of fighting my thoughts, which scientist think is a never-ending stream even though you may not realize all of them, I’m also tired of fighting what many religions call my ego.
In this low point I found my answer.
If you want to control your thoughts then you need to control your feelings.
I began to think about this for awhile and I began to realize that it is true, when I don’t like something I feel it first then the stream of thoughts begin. You may think they are happening at the same time but they’re not, the feeling my come only a split second earlier but it’s still first, so I began to realize that my thoughts were only a side-effect of my feelings.
This doesn’t mean I can’t feel at all it just means that I must learn to control it. If you go back through this blog and pay attention to how many times you see the word feel, you will see that my feelings are changing my thoughts and mood which is effecting my overall life in a negative way.
Can you see this as true in your own life?